Boxing: Yes, Don King once beat a man to death. Yes, he ripped off fighters. But he also saved boxing.

Trash Talk: A lot of today's jocks bring nothing to the game but trash talk. They talk the talk, but their game sucks. Shut up and play ball.

Portland, Oregon: The plumber's butt of American.

Sports Marketing: Unless sanity returns, the leagues will be taken over by shoe and soft drink companies that won't be satisfied until they sew their logos on Michael Jordan's butt.

The Modern Athlete: You never hear about athletes getting into fights with guys anymore. All you ever read about is jocks beating up women. What up wit' dat?

Fans: People who expect athletes to be role models for their children are mostly ignorant rednecks who don't have the brains or balls to take care of their own kids.

Other Sports Talk Show Hosts: They're boys stewing in their own testosterone who don't know about anything beyond eating pizza, jerking off, and playing Fantasy Football.